It’s been an age since I’ve made a post, hasn’t it. My blog reading and commenting have been pretty lean, too. Many of my favorite bloggers are on IG, but even though that’s so fast and easy, I haven’t commented much there either. But I digress…
My world has been rocked a bit lately. I hadn’t planned to share, but since I always appreciate hearing everyone else’s back stories and knowing that they’re ok when absent for a while, it seemed the logical step.
So here we go. You likely know that my 91-year mother lives with us. Mom lost a kidney a few years ago due to sepsis from a hospital visit while she still lived in California. Her remaining kidney had very little functionality, and it was declared that she probably would be with us only a “few more months, certainly not a year”. She lived on another three years there, and has been here with us over a year and a half – I’d say she has definitely beat the odds on that one!
During the last few weeks, however, there’s been a decline in her general well being. I’ve been doing more for her and watching her become increasingly dependent. My normally chipper mother has lost some of her sparkle. She has more aches and pains, sleeps more, eats less and has lost a little weight (we rejoiced to see her finally reach 105 lbs, so this loss is not welcome). Her kidney function has fluctuated, other key lab tests have been wonky, and she’s had a bout of dehydration. It’s a delicate and difficult balancing act.
To bring a long story short, her doctor believes she has turned a corner in her life, and it may be time to consider hospice services. Not because she is actively dying (isn’t that the oddest expression), but to keep her comfortable, and most important, keep her here at home. And yet again, we hear the prognosis of “months, certainly not a year”. That may be the case, or she may surprise us once again! How I’d love to be surprised, in spite of what my eyes are trying to tell me.
So why did I decide to share this? As a means of explaining my absence, of course, since some have inquired, but also to begin my own healing. A way of forcing myself to push through. My sewing blog buddy, soon to be in-person buddy, someone a lot of you know (… it’s Del!! …) sent an email that inspired me. “Saw your sweet list on IG a few days ago… ”
I had to go back and read my “sweet” list. It was a tad maudlin. I was obviously missing my children, worried about my mom, perhaps having just a bit of a pity party, certainly not the light-hearted post I intended. One listed item was that Mom taught me to sew on her Bernina. Now I have my own Bernina, and would like Mom to see that those long-ago lessons were not wasted. So as she takes more and longer naps, I’ll have some time to myself and intend to use at least part of it to do some sewing again! I have one project nearly finished and a few lined up. More on that in the next post.